Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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