I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
