Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
