mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
