It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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