Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
