I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
