dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
