I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
