When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize