He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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