i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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