Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
