all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
