Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
