its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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