now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there's paper in my vomit.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
