I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
