Banned from zoo.
Again?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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