I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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