I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
