I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
did you just send me my own nude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
