My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
