Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
