Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
