the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
