my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
