Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
