We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
