I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
