help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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