I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
