I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
