I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
