Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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