I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
