No awkward lesbian experiences without me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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