apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Houston, we have a blender
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
