Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
