this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
