yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
