I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
