FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
