Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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