so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
