Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
