idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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