what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
