WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
