Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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