Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
