Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
