glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
