I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
