"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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