Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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