This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
