i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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