The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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