i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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