do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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