his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
