So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The feeling are messing with the penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
