She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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