I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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